Sometimes we get the absolute honor and privilege of feeling close to God’s heart. We can hear His voice, we can feel Him near, and we can rest in His presence. And sometimes, we have the heartbreaking experience of feeling nothing— of not know where He is, what He is saying, or where He rests.
In those moments, we can feel abandoned and alone. A God that is never supposed to leave us or forsake us feels like He has, in fact, done both. We can become afraid, angry, despondent, or even filled with shame. Either God has abandoned us or we are doing something wrong.
Though cliché, the best approach to these moments where God feels so far is faith. There is a waiting, steady element to faith. It is the belief that even in darkness, even when we are blind and cannot see, even when the waves crash into our boats or fire is all around us, even when we are lost, alone, and broken, even when the world feels formless and void: God is.
Faith makes the intentional decision to stay steady. It decides to remain on course, to keep walking, to follow, even when the path is unclear. It chooses to say “yes” even when it is terrified and doesn’t know what saying “yes” looks like. Faith wavers, trips, falls, and gets broken, and faith continues on.
In moments when the Lord does not feel near or doubt has found its resting place in your mind, have courage, dear heart. The “I am that I am” is more than an emotion, more than how you felt yesterday, today, or will feel tomorrow. Experiencing His closeness and nearness is so sweet, so wonderful, so dear. Even when He feels like He could not be farther away, He is still near, still close, still the one who breathes life into your lungs, the one who causes your heart to beat, the one who holds the stars in the sky and the waters in the depth. He is.